...Nature always wears the colors of the spirit...
(Ralph Waldo Emerson)
Welcome to Imani Time! I'm a half german & half kenyan girl. After I have spent 10 months in Kenya doing voluntary work in a children's home I've now moved to Berlin to join university. Imani-Time will be my further platform to share my everyday-life experiences from the german capital. Enjoy!
Thursday, 30 January 2014
Thursday, 23 January 2014
Back To Business
After a looong break and many special occasions my life is back to normal.
Means: I'm in the childrens' home during the week and out on the weekends.
After one of the black cat twins died someone brought a new babycat.
Now "Imani" has a new friend, called Luna :)
And still... This kids they fill my heart with so much joy. Sometimes I feel so happy I could almost cry by being with them.
Especially the young ones really need to receive and give love. Nowadays they even go crazy when I just go away for the day. By the time I return they start running through the whole compound screaming my name and hugging me. When I wake up in the morning and meet the babies in the dining during taking their breakfast the teachers can't stop them to jump up from their seats giving me the good-morning hugs.
So there are good morning/break/after-school/playing/good night/whenever someone feels like hugs.
On the weekends I'm always out!
Since the weekend just has two days I'm always en route trying to be in as many places as possible.
I know Nairobi and neighbourhood like the back of my hand.
Even better than my own hometown :D
I keep on travelling distances...
From Machakos County-Mlolongo, to Rongai, then to Karen, up to Ngong hills, to Tao, Imara Daima and finally back home to Sabaki estate in the middle of nowhere.
Matatus are my second home :D
It happens often that I leave the house without a final destination... And I'm always glad to have friends all over, who offer me a place to sleep whenever needed.
Soo this weekend my auntie and uncle invited me for going for the best pizza ever!!!
For real this italian restaurant baked evenbetter pizza than I've tasted in Italy itself Oo
After I ended up at a friends' called Aleki.
He's living in such a cool complex! Soo many young people are living in the apartments that tere's always a full house or a place to hang out/party.
He's living in such a cool complex! Soo many young people are living in the apartments that tere's always a full house or a place to hang out/party.
On Sunday, when I went to Imara Daima to check on my soulmate Leslie. I hadn't seen her for MONTHS.
We did something I really wanted to do for long!
Cook JAM!!!
It's the mangoe season...! <3
I took this chance and bought a whole bunch of them to conserve them in form of marmalade.We did Mangoe-Lemon-Cinnamon and Mangoe-Coconut. I swear this is the best marmalade ever!
This so-called apple mangoes were so dan delicious that I couldn't stop eating them ( with the skin - as most people do here xD). Leslie and Greg kept on telling me stop eating so many. However I didn't believe it could have negative effects eating a whole bunch of fruits.
The next morning I woke up with a fat swolen left eye >.<
Typical me.... :D
Tabbyyyyy and Greggy Weggy... Oh Imara friends are friends forever!
Always there when you call them!
"There's no food which is either good or bad.
It all depends on the variation of spices, the cooks
knowledge
& creativity and the consumers taste.
There's always a way to cook food marvellous!"
Back to Heritage.
Six of the children were supposed to go to join (boarding) highschool.
(Highschool starts from Form 1 = Grade 9 til 12)
(Highschool starts from Form 1 = Grade 9 til 12)
So we decided to accompany them on their way to Nakuru.
We first dropped the other primary school pupils at their school and went with the schoolbus to Nakuru.
A 4 hours drive...
28,33Litres going for 3000 Ksh/~32€
Fuel isn't that expensive but also not really cheap..
The three girls going to highschool!
nicely packed boxes..
Regina and Milka's new home for the next four years!
Aki I'll miss them :(
Thank god I didn't school in Kenya... I would have died under the strict rules...
Schooluniforms, no nailpolish, no special hair (not even plaitened!), no earrings - not to mention piercings/tattoos, no jewellery..
Okay if you don't know anything else than it can't be so bad.
Oh but still I could never go to a straight girls' school.
No way!
Uhh welcome to prison. ehh Highschool!
Interesting visits, which made me value the way I've schooled even more!
Woii wearing highheels or no shoes to school - no problem!
Mini skirts, jogging trousers, boyfriendclothes - who cares?
No restrictions - individualisation!
And most of us still graduated!
Let's get rid of the kg's I've gained in the past 4 months!
Ohh Kenya why do you always make me gain weight :(
Now I'm struggling with morning exercise at 5.30.
30 laps, 200 times rope skipping and sit ups.
Please let the peanutbutter on my hips melt!
The early bird catches the worm!
At least I'm able to milk the cows now at 6.30.
It's so cool and so much fun!
While the other (kenyan) volunteers have a whole schedule of duties
I remain with my normal chaotic self-made timetable.
The other two volunteers have to wash floors, the bathroom, kitchen utensils, kid's clothes etc.
And I water the flowers, keep the kids company in their break and draw posters for the classrooms.
I was told "my case is very different. Very different to the others." Hahahaha okay!
Ni sawa, I won't complain!
Oh btw! There's a new german volunteer! Her name's Yvonne and she's 38.
Most of the week she's in school teaching the kids german.
Motorbike taxis (boda bodas) are very common, safe and cheap here.
People even send there kids to school with them.
There's a new baby in the home!!! Finally!
One of the girls who grew up in the childrens' home left her babyboy there for the duration she's going abroad.
Not to sure if it's true, but someone told me this cute bundle of joy will stay here for about a year.
Photosession with the babieeees!
Let me introduce you to Prince!
and Kanini
Sheldon and Eric. Kamau and me.
.
The miracle I don't understand...
This children mostly lost there parents, some also their siblings.
They have what they need and nothing more.
Compared to the children way back in my homecountry this orphans have NOTHING!
And still... I've never met happier children than these ones.
Never.
Wednesday, 22 January 2014
About Self-esteem
Many of my blogreaders know me very well. Some of them don't.
Most people, who know me know how much I love myself.
Nowadays.
It hasn't always been like this. Of course not.
We all remember the way people raised us in the course of:
"Love yourself the way you are/god made us!"
It's easy to say but hard to live.
All of us have their problemzones and troubles with themselves, some more and others less.
For me it was a long and hard way to learn to love myself.
I used to have issues with myself. All of them.
For most people it's hard to imagine how it is to grow up in a white country as a black.
Yeah in Germany I'm black.
I remember myself at the time I went to kindergarten, how I used to cry at my parents:
I want to be white. I want blonde & straight hair. I want to be named Hanna. I want to be like the others.
As a black child I was always part of/or THE minority.
Let me give you a few examples for illustrating.
- When I went to camp as a kid I mostly was the only black kid between 250 others
- In Highschool (class 5-12), except of me and my brother there were two other blacks (ok point 5s) out of over 900 students
- In my village we're the only black family, most of the time
It wasn't easy for me to handle being obviously different from the rest of the society.
Surprisingly I never really had experiences with people being racist.
So it suggested itself that the issues towards myself started very early.
Having a birthmark in the middle of my face didn't make it any better!
My biggest trouble for quite a long time. People made me think about it a lot by calling the mark, stripes in my face or butterfly-face.
I hated this birthmark!
Everyone tells me "It makes you so special!"- as if there aren't enough other attributes, which make me extraordinary.
My parents told me, that when I'm old enough they'll pay me my make up to cover it, if I'd feel better.
When I was 14 I went to London and returned with make up for over 100€/10000Ksh.
Instead of helping myself it even made it worse!
Every evening I had to face (haha) the differency to what I wanted to look like and the reality shown in the mirror.
My mother finally went with me to the best specialists in dermatology. The only and last chance to figure out if there's any way to remove the birthmark.
The doctor told me there are three opportunities:
1. Solarradiation treatment - which would age my skin very quickly and increase the risk of skincancer
2. Skin implantation - remove skin from eg. the buttocks and fix it cm after cm into my face. A long procedure after I'd probably look like a patchwork carpet.
3. Camouflage make up - I already had that...
After the clinic visit I fell into a hole of depression and desperation. -Until I decided that there's no other way than to accept it.
From this day I started taking it the way it is. Without make up.
This was the best arbitration I ever made.
I'm still not the biggest fan of the birthmark in my face but my family and friends help me to learn to love it.
In times of tattoes and piercings it's kind of another form of (born) individualisation.
If you now think this was my only problem, let me proof you wrong!
All the typical girlish inferiority complexes - I had them.
- It started off with my curly hair. I hated it. For years I was wearing capes and hats to hide it. After that phase I used to straighten it c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y. Continuosly and for another 2 years.
- Funny but there was a time I found my teeth ugly. So much that I tried finding ways not to show them.
- It bothered me being tiny. I was close to taking growth hormones. I'm still not even 1,60m tall/small but I discovered te magic of highheels ;)
- The classic: I found myself too fat. After a bad break-up I stopped eating 'til I almost got seriously anorexic. Thank god I had friends, which pulled me out of that devils circle.
- I used to dislike myself in forms of character. So badly that I couldn't stand being alone with myself. At this time I tried being around people 24/7.
- Last but not least I had this ex-boyfriend, who really fucked up with my selfesteem & psyche. He used to tell me how less brains I have, no horizon and morality. He dumbed me down as if I was an uneducated person of a lower class.
- Oh and the latest issue: What are my talents?! This feeling of not having a passion and capability like others in being a good drawer, sportsman, singer, fast-learner etc.
I searched for my talent without success. I've never been the best in anything - juts average.
So maybe you can imagine the dimension of what I ment by saying I had a long and hard way to accept and find myself.
How I made it to the ego which tries to break throw the ceiling?
I think it's the way my ex-boyfriend pulled me down to the very bottom of respecting myself.
It was so extreme I begged my parents to send my to a psychologist. They refused. (Wise people)
However every down has to be followed by an up. And since my down was so immense I came up the stronger and better. Imani 2.0! :D
I recovered and made myself to the person I always wanted to be.
Studying my own psychology and asking for troubles and needs helped me clearing up with myself.
Seing possibilities instead of issues!
And why should I bother myself with things I can't change?
My character and psyche went through a lot.
Nowadays my character is as hard to describe as my style since I am a bit of everything and everyone.
It's the way I absorb the positive characteristics from my surrounding and integrate them into my character.
I guess that's why I get along with almost everyone - there's always a common part!
I built myself - Supermania. I found peace in myself.
Being the person I want to be gives me strength, prudency and dignity.
Sometimes too much - if I'm honest. But what shall I do? I'm the King! Queen! Whatever..
I don't even need someone to love me. I'm in charge of enough love for me, myself, everyone who asks for it and the rest of the world!
Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna burst because of all that love (to myself) that I really need to get a whole bunch of children I can spread my love to.
It should be enough for a whole soccer team of kids ;)
About my name: I wouldn't trade the world for my name anymore! (Especially not for Hannah). Best choice my paerents!
About the talents: I can say that I'm on a good way of finding them but also not in a hurry anymore. Anyway I think my talent has something to do with creativity. Especially in foodcreating. And understanding people, since I went through so many phases of myself.
P.S.: My biggest secret to being happy: Being a HEDONIST. I do whatever I want to do and no one can stop me. There's not even a problem to embarassing myself as long as it's fun!
I don't limit or stop myself. (Unless it harms others)
.jpg)
Yeah in Germany I'm black.
I remember myself at the time I went to kindergarten, how I used to cry at my parents:
I want to be white. I want blonde & straight hair. I want to be named Hanna. I want to be like the others.
As a black child I was always part of/or THE minority.
Let me give you a few examples for illustrating.
- When I went to camp as a kid I mostly was the only black kid between 250 others
 |
| my politics course in school. Mzungus + Imani Btw the second guy from the right in the back was my teacher. |
- In my village we're the only black family, most of the time
It wasn't easy for me to handle being obviously different from the rest of the society.
Surprisingly I never really had experiences with people being racist.
So it suggested itself that the issues towards myself started very early.
Having a birthmark in the middle of my face didn't make it any better!
My biggest trouble for quite a long time. People made me think about it a lot by calling the mark, stripes in my face or butterfly-face.
I hated this birthmark!
Everyone tells me "It makes you so special!"- as if there aren't enough other attributes, which make me extraordinary.
My parents told me, that when I'm old enough they'll pay me my make up to cover it, if I'd feel better.
When I was 14 I went to London and returned with make up for over 100€/10000Ksh.
Instead of helping myself it even made it worse!
Every evening I had to face (haha) the differency to what I wanted to look like and the reality shown in the mirror.
My mother finally went with me to the best specialists in dermatology. The only and last chance to figure out if there's any way to remove the birthmark.
The doctor told me there are three opportunities:
1. Solarradiation treatment - which would age my skin very quickly and increase the risk of skincancer
2. Skin implantation - remove skin from eg. the buttocks and fix it cm after cm into my face. A long procedure after I'd probably look like a patchwork carpet.
3. Camouflage make up - I already had that...
After the clinic visit I fell into a hole of depression and desperation. -Until I decided that there's no other way than to accept it.
From this day I started taking it the way it is. Without make up.
This was the best arbitration I ever made.
I'm still not the biggest fan of the birthmark in my face but my family and friends help me to learn to love it.
In times of tattoes and piercings it's kind of another form of (born) individualisation.
If you now think this was my only problem, let me proof you wrong!
All the typical girlish inferiority complexes - I had them.
- It started off with my curly hair. I hated it. For years I was wearing capes and hats to hide it. After that phase I used to straighten it c-o-m-p-l-e-t-e-l-y. Continuosly and for another 2 years.
- Funny but there was a time I found my teeth ugly. So much that I tried finding ways not to show them.
- It bothered me being tiny. I was close to taking growth hormones. I'm still not even 1,60m tall/small but I discovered te magic of highheels ;)
- The classic: I found myself too fat. After a bad break-up I stopped eating 'til I almost got seriously anorexic. Thank god I had friends, which pulled me out of that devils circle.
- I used to dislike myself in forms of character. So badly that I couldn't stand being alone with myself. At this time I tried being around people 24/7.
- Last but not least I had this ex-boyfriend, who really fucked up with my selfesteem & psyche. He used to tell me how less brains I have, no horizon and morality. He dumbed me down as if I was an uneducated person of a lower class.
- Oh and the latest issue: What are my talents?! This feeling of not having a passion and capability like others in being a good drawer, sportsman, singer, fast-learner etc.
I searched for my talent without success. I've never been the best in anything - juts average.
So maybe you can imagine the dimension of what I ment by saying I had a long and hard way to accept and find myself.
How I made it to the ego which tries to break throw the ceiling?
I think it's the way my ex-boyfriend pulled me down to the very bottom of respecting myself.
It was so extreme I begged my parents to send my to a psychologist. They refused. (Wise people)
However every down has to be followed by an up. And since my down was so immense I came up the stronger and better. Imani 2.0! :D
I recovered and made myself to the person I always wanted to be.
Studying my own psychology and asking for troubles and needs helped me clearing up with myself.
Seing possibilities instead of issues!
And why should I bother myself with things I can't change?
My character and psyche went through a lot.
Nowadays my character is as hard to describe as my style since I am a bit of everything and everyone.
It's the way I absorb the positive characteristics from my surrounding and integrate them into my character.
I guess that's why I get along with almost everyone - there's always a common part!
I built myself - Supermania. I found peace in myself.
Being the person I want to be gives me strength, prudency and dignity.
I don't even need someone to love me. I'm in charge of enough love for me, myself, everyone who asks for it and the rest of the world!
Sometimes I feel like I'm gonna burst because of all that love (to myself) that I really need to get a whole bunch of children I can spread my love to.
It should be enough for a whole soccer team of kids ;)
About my name: I wouldn't trade the world for my name anymore! (Especially not for Hannah). Best choice my paerents!
About the talents: I can say that I'm on a good way of finding them but also not in a hurry anymore. Anyway I think my talent has something to do with creativity. Especially in foodcreating. And understanding people, since I went through so many phases of myself.
P.S.: My biggest secret to being happy: Being a HEDONIST. I do whatever I want to do and no one can stop me. There's not even a problem to embarassing myself as long as it's fun!
I don't limit or stop myself. (Unless it harms others)
Fuck you haters, screw you ex. It's my time now!
Monday, 20 January 2014
Here Is The Love!
People killing, people dying
Children hurtin', hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questioning
Where is the love ?
...Whatever happened to the values of humanity
Whatever happened to the fairness and equality
Instead of spreading love
We spreading animosity
Lack of understanding
Leading us away from unity
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' under
That's the reason why sometimes I'm feelin' down
It's no wonder why sometimes I'm feelin' under
Gotta keep our FAITH alive 'till LOVE is found...
Wednesday, 15 January 2014
Rainbow Connection
Hakuna Matata - I have rainbow iceScreeeeam!
P.s.!!!!:
https://www.openpetition.de/petition/online/gegenpetition-zu-kein-bildungsplan-2015-unter-der-ideologie-des-regenbogens
Monday, 13 January 2014
A Dream
I'm back to my former highschool. Lena, my best friend of my entire schoollife, is with me.
We are astounded. Stunned.
On a large screen we can see our surprised faces.
Slowly we realise - there are video cameras everywhere!
Everything is still the same, only extremely modernised and enlarged.
How did this in the past year happen?
The whole building has changed: There is a huge vitreous, posh cafeteria, private studyrooms for every graduate, machines where you can get your prom pictures printed.
Actually that's the reason why we came back to this place we swore we'll never go back to.
There they are: Pictures of me and my best pals, the whole grade. We look happy in those photos.
Memories seem unreal and so far away.
The monster of machine is telling us to be patient. Fancy, creepy, unnecessary thing!
Where are those teachers of ours? The people we loved to blame for everything.
It's the right time to take them to task! They taught us to have an discerning eye when it comes to changes.
Empty hallways. The teachers are gone. Gone home, gone into retirement, gone lost?
Whatever there's no way I'm going to stay longer than afforded in this weird unrecognisable place. There's something fishy going on!
Lena and I need to pass by the washrooms before leaving.
They used to be so nice and clean - not filthy like in other schools.
As we approach the queue of the Ladie's washrooms we slow down in astonishment.
Wow, nowadays there are Securities for checking bags? And they send you through metal detectors? Airportstyle... No big surprise in times of suicide bombers, (gun) rampage and drugabuse.
It's not like I've never fantasised about blowing up my school in moments of distress...
Hold on. They're storing my bag? Why? Too late, it's already taken away.
Lena is out of my sight. She must have been fast. I try calling her name. She can't her me.
The electronic handscan looks pretty, it flashes in green. "Imani R. Citizen. Former student - class of 2013". HANDSCAN?
Did this people seriously take my handprint? What for? "I just want to go to the toilet god dammit. What do I need my personalities for?!"
Oh, okay, they already have everything. They know where and when I was born and where my new place of living is.
At least I'm allowed to enter a cabin after passing through the security turnstile.
After all this security checks I am expecting a clean, hygienic toilet.
Surprise, surprise. Instead I find an overflowing bin and a lot of waste on and beside the toilet seat. Even before I can start complaining I realise I can't even lock the door.
The door, which is halfly made out of glas. See-through!
My name is being called. All of my three names. Really?
With a lot of anger and still pressed I'm sprinting outside towards the table, where a woman is waiting for me. She is wearing a blue security uniform. She tells me in the calmest voice to depose my rings and jewellery before I finish my business.
This is too much. I start complaining, I start screaming. I'm asking them for my rights? My rights to take a piss without exposing my whole identity. No one listens. Does anybody hear me in this twisted world?
My voice seems to be toneless.
Out of desperation I start punching the security guard.
And see myself getting into irreversable trouble with authorities and governements laws...
We are astounded. Stunned.
On a large screen we can see our surprised faces.
Slowly we realise - there are video cameras everywhere!
Everything is still the same, only extremely modernised and enlarged.
How did this in the past year happen?
The whole building has changed: There is a huge vitreous, posh cafeteria, private studyrooms for every graduate, machines where you can get your prom pictures printed.
Actually that's the reason why we came back to this place we swore we'll never go back to.
There they are: Pictures of me and my best pals, the whole grade. We look happy in those photos.
Memories seem unreal and so far away.
The monster of machine is telling us to be patient. Fancy, creepy, unnecessary thing!
Where are those teachers of ours? The people we loved to blame for everything.
It's the right time to take them to task! They taught us to have an discerning eye when it comes to changes.
Empty hallways. The teachers are gone. Gone home, gone into retirement, gone lost?
Whatever there's no way I'm going to stay longer than afforded in this weird unrecognisable place. There's something fishy going on!
Lena and I need to pass by the washrooms before leaving.
They used to be so nice and clean - not filthy like in other schools.
As we approach the queue of the Ladie's washrooms we slow down in astonishment.
Wow, nowadays there are Securities for checking bags? And they send you through metal detectors? Airportstyle... No big surprise in times of suicide bombers, (gun) rampage and drugabuse.
It's not like I've never fantasised about blowing up my school in moments of distress...
Hold on. They're storing my bag? Why? Too late, it's already taken away.
Lena is out of my sight. She must have been fast. I try calling her name. She can't her me.
The electronic handscan looks pretty, it flashes in green. "Imani R. Citizen. Former student - class of 2013". HANDSCAN?
Did this people seriously take my handprint? What for? "I just want to go to the toilet god dammit. What do I need my personalities for?!"
Oh, okay, they already have everything. They know where and when I was born and where my new place of living is.
At least I'm allowed to enter a cabin after passing through the security turnstile.
After all this security checks I am expecting a clean, hygienic toilet.
Surprise, surprise. Instead I find an overflowing bin and a lot of waste on and beside the toilet seat. Even before I can start complaining I realise I can't even lock the door.
The door, which is halfly made out of glas. See-through!
My name is being called. All of my three names. Really?
With a lot of anger and still pressed I'm sprinting outside towards the table, where a woman is waiting for me. She is wearing a blue security uniform. She tells me in the calmest voice to depose my rings and jewellery before I finish my business.
This is too much. I start complaining, I start screaming. I'm asking them for my rights? My rights to take a piss without exposing my whole identity. No one listens. Does anybody hear me in this twisted world?
My voice seems to be toneless.
Out of desperation I start punching the security guard.
And see myself getting into irreversable trouble with authorities and governements laws...
Security vs. Freedom
I had this dream like a month ago.
When I woke up in the morning I felt so insecure.
It's so futuristic and at the same time TOO realistic.
The dream scared me and I couldn't let go of it.
I'm afraid this is what will happen if we continue getting addicted to security.
Thursday, 9 January 2014
Infinite Imani Time!
I need someone to redraw/rephotoshop this sketch nicely, since I'm not a good drawer.
If there's anyone out there, who can help me I'd be very very glad ;)
Interpretation:
Shown is the Infinitiy of Imani-Time in the royal color purple.
“I” am the ancor to infinity and connection to the circles of life.
My/the world should be “held” in peace and I should never forget appreciating the four elements, which are most essential to life: nature/earth, fire, water & air.
The ancor connects the macrocosmos of life with the microcosmos of emotions.
The eye watches everything with love and eradiates warmth - especially towards my family.
The members of my family are symbolized by their astronomic starsigns, starting between “T” and “I”) there’s aries (me), skorpion (my brother), cancer (my mother) and aquarius (my father).
Peace, Love and Infinity.
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